Gross

And I just have to say that the humidity here in Houston is like nothing I've ever experienced before. (Except perhaps Miami in 2006.) My hair is huge. My face looks like I've been beaten with the puberty stick. I'm sticky with sweat even in the super-air-conditioned hotel. It's ridiculous.

I sound so petulant...

My Biggest Fans

my biggest fans
Originally uploaded by librarianalexa

The police got called to break up our donor appreciation reception. We were noisy.

The story so far...

OK, so many things have happened since I left New York on Monday. I'll give you the highlights:

Upon landing in Houston, I went with my colleagues to the luggage carousel to pick up our bags. When my duffel came around the bend, I stepped forward to pull it off. I did so with a fair amount of force. So much so that I flew backwards onto my back on the floor. The bag landed on top of me. My left shoe came off. There were hundreds of witnesses. I am fine.

Before we left the airport, I went to take a whizz. First, I tried to go in the men's room. In my defense, there's construction going on and the signage is really poor from certain angles. Then, when it came time to flush, I destroyed the toilet. I never touch public toilets with my hands, so I reached gently with my foot to trip the sensor on the autoflush. I barely touched it. Suddenly, it was hanging by a single flimsy wire from its moorings. It did not flush. I noncholantly exited the stall, washed my hands to prevent contracting Swine Flu, and quietly left the bathroom.

On Tuesday, I was at the registration desk with the volunteers. We had to move locations in the middle of the day. I tripped on my own pants leg and went facedown on the ugly hotel carpet. The volunteers thought I was dead. I am fine.

On Wednesday, I was part of the precision dance number in the keynote session. The volunteers congratulated me on not falling off the stage.

On Thursday night I was walking back to the hotel from a reception/recital a few blocks away with two of my colleagues. We passed a little restaurant with an outdoor seating area. The maître d' called out as we walked by, "Hey, how are you guys doing tonight?" I replied, "Just fine, thanks! How're you?" Then a car raced by through a puddle and soaked me from head to toe. I was still wearing my suit and name badge, and was in full-on professional mode, so I managed not to shout, "FUCK YOU!!!!" at the car as it speed away. This repression morphed into me emitting a high-pitched squeal and jumping straight up into the air like a startled cat. I am fine. My suit, not so much.

Tonight I'm going to the opera. Maybe I'll be hit by a bus. We shall see.

Oh, did I promise to blog this trip?

Well, I'm failing.

Countdown to Houston

Hello, faithful readers of the sparsest blog in the Intertubes.

I'm leaving for Houston tomorrow morning and I'm going to try and write about my travels/travails. Today I'm packing. I have several spreadsheets I use to keep track of the things I bring and the clothes I will wear each day. Yes, I planned my outfits months in advance. The less I need to think about mundane crap means I'll have more brain cells to apply to conversing in the bar. Which I will then drown in tequila. Oh, cash bar. How I'm looking forward to you...

Traffic in Astoria

So, as I was walking home from the train, I noticed that all of the cars on 21st Street at the intersection of Astoria Park South were running the red light. After a minute or so of observation it became apparent that the traffic signal was broken; 21st Street was red and Astoria Park South was green and that was it. No change.

Now, this is a problem for several reasons. First, the potential for a vehicular collision was high. Duh. Second, that corner is the corner of a park. There are KIDS TRYING TO CROSS THE STREET, KIDS RIDING BIKES ACROSS THE STREET, and KIDS PLAYING NEAR THE STREET. Enormous potential for splatter and death. Third, the adult pedestrians (including me) aren't aware of what's going on because it's not apparent until you take a moment to watch and figure it out. If you're walking and talking on your cell you for sure won't notice what's going on until the cars are on top of you.

I called 311. They said that it would be TWO HOURS before the signal could be fixed. I called 911 to ask for someone to come and direct traffic four times. FOUR. TIMES. The cops came twice and drove away. What? The? Fuck?

I couldn't leave. O, my overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Another pedestrian put on his Good Samaritan hat and walked into the middle of the intersection to direct traffic, brave soul. Now I really couldn't leave.

All told, I was out there for an hour. When the Traffic Signal Repair Guy got there he said that the problem was Con Edison. The signals weren't getting enough voltage to work properly. So, he made them flash red on one side and yellow on the other. He also gave me his orange vest for the G.S. and I took it out to him.

When it was all over, G.S., T.S.R.G., and I parted ways. But I took some photos:

Coda: G.S. makes his living as a conductor.

Cake Wins a Prize

For Most Sociable Pirate Attack on a Nun. Guess which nun she attacked...

Literature

This is, perhaps, the most alarmingly funny writing I've read on teh interweb. Although new articles are not being published, there's an archive.

More Up Our Aftermath

NewsFlash

I've also apparently won First Runner-up for Most Individual Sponsors Online. Thank you, everyone, for supporting me!

Up Our Aftermath

So, last night I left early (9:00 p.m.-ish) because I was TIRED. SO. TIRED. There was a party and a ceremony post-bowling, at which awards were given out. And I won two: Best Personal Web Page Design and Most Self-Deprecating Bowler! NunCaptain Megan was kind enough to collect them and just handed them to me. Hooray!

Classical Action's Up Our Alley 9

I participated in Up Our Alley, a bowl-a-thon in support of Classical Action: Performing Arts Against AIDS. My team, Spare Angelica, from OPERA America, raised some serious funds for the fight against AIDS and bowled our little hearts out.

Thanks so much to everyone who generously supported me:

Mark! Cthulhu Alpert
Mark!'s parents, Eva and Everett Alpert
Stephen & Justine Antopol
Bob Bertrand
Roger Claman
Dave DelGrosso
Cake Louise Ehle
Peter Finder
Jenna Freedman
Elisabeth V. Gehrlein
Estelle 'Stella' Gomez
Leslie Graham
Tabitha Hanslick
Jean K. Hines
Diana Hossack
President George Jacobstein, Rose Brand
Matthew Kirby-Smith
Justin Mazzoni & Amy Delvecchio
Sally McElwain
Peter Monahan
Kelley Rourke
Lauren, David, Chloe, Nealie, and Caitlin Silverstein
Julia Tell
Keri Thibodeau
Waddy Thompson
Abigail Trarbach
Stephanie Tzall
Sreesha Vaman

And check out the photos on Flickr.